“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19
A dear friend of mine brought this verse to my attention not too long ago. Why? Because....
You see, four months ago....everything changed. We packed up our family and our life, and moved to a new town. This is a decision we prayed about for well over six months. We made a billion lists of pros and cons, discussed, prayed, and really picked it to death, because we wanted to make the right decision. We were happy where we were, but it really all came down to this little guy...
Oh, the things you do for your children. I would just do anything in the world for him, wouldn't you? ;)
We kept thinking..."Where is the best place to raise our children?" Clark's family all live here in the same town; parents, grandparents, great-grandmother, aunts and uncles (minus a few). The 700 + acre farm he grew up on is here, and what boy wouldn't love growing up near the family farm?
On the other hand, we loved where we were. Had lived there since we were married. It was ten minutes from where I am from. Had so many close friends and relationships, were part of a very close church family, and my mom, stepdad and two sisters (who are my heart) -- lived 20 minutes away. It is where we shared our first home, and where we gave birth to our first baby. It was home.
BUT once you start having babies, things change. Life isn't about you anymore. You want to be near family, and you want to be in a place where you feel like you have the best support/help possible in raising your children. This is no discredit to my family, because they love Griffin more than anything, but my family is VERY busy, and they are all spread over several different towns, and after stressing for months on end, we finally made the decision to move to Clark's hometown, where he has his whole family there in one place. It was either we do it, or always wonder if we should have.
We talked about it, talked about it and talked about it, and finally....we put the for sale sign in the yard.
A couple months went by, had some serious lookers...they fell in love and made an offer on the house.
The closing came, we packed up and headed out.
We kept asking God...."Now, why are we doing this again?"
We hadn't found a new house yet, so we have been living in my mother-in-law's basement while we searched. Everyone was so excited for us to be here, and we would put on a fake smile, and at night when no one else could see, we would cry ourselves to sleep.
We finally found a house that we liked in our price range. We call it our stepping stone house, the one between now and where you want to eventually be :) We made an offer, they accepted, we closed on the house last Wednesday
And....you guessed it....we cried.
At a time when we should be so excited, why would we feel so completely empty?
This has been extremely difficult for me, one reason is because I'm just a happy girl...I mean, really, typically I feel like even if I am having a not so great day, I still have a smile on my face and joy in my heart. I just love life and love living it. And lately....I just honestly feel numb. Second reason, I love my family, and if Clark and Griffin can be happy, you better believe that I can be too, but to see Clark so unhappy through this process, has made me feel helpless, after all, this is his hometown, he is supposed to feel at home here, right?
So needless to say, this is why I (we) have been struggling. Usually when I do what I feel God wants me to do, there is a sense of peace about my decision....that's how I know it's right. So, I have had a really hard time with the fact that I don't feel peace.....yet. BUT for some reason, God is whispering, "Stay." I am not quite sure what he is trying to show me through this process, but I know one thing I am learning to do more of, and that is to trust Him and wait. Whoa, that's hard to do, can I get an "Amen"? God often calls us to do things, even when it's hard, and even when we feel no comfort in this very moment. So I have to keep on learning to trust, keep on learning to wait and be patient, believing that "All things work to the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose" - (Romans 8:28)
Tonight, we went to the house for the very first time to start getting it ready to move in.
Clark put up plantation blinds on all the windows, while I marked the walls off with painter's tape to get ready to paint. Griffin had his toys strung all over the floor and we talked and listened to the radio. It felt good to be there, in our new home, as a family.
And in the midst of...
missing my family
missing our friends
missing our church
missing our house
missing our neighbors
missing our town
I could look at my boys tonight and smile and think, 'Home.....it's wherever you are."
Welcome to my blog! Didn't really plan on being so transparent on my very first blog post, but this is me, this is real, and sometimes life isn't all sunshine and roses :) But God is faithful, and I know that this too shall pass :) The sun will come back out, and the roses will bloom again!
Lots of love - Lindsey